Crap sucks. Yes, I know I complain all the time, but I don't care. It's my frickin journal I can complain about crap all I want. I'm supposed to write about my feelings n stuff, not what you wanna read. If you don't care what I'm complaining about and don't really give a hoot about my feelings, then don't come back.

Back to what I was saying, crap sucks. Right now is the time I've definately most needed Christina...and her mom just decides that this is the time that I don't get to talk to her, phone, online, period. This is the time that I've had the most trouble freaking out about crap that COULD be happening....like maybe christina COULD BE losing interest in me. MAYBE the juss about NO TIME we have to talk to eachother or see eachother is killing our relationship. MAYBE Christina COULD BE cheating on me.....I know none of it's true, but I worry like crazy for no reason and...I need her there to reassure me and tell me that She loves me more than anything else, that she could NEVER cheat on me, that she feels closer to me than ever before. I know that's how it is....I just need to hear it. SooooOoOOo Somehow, this is the magical time that Christina's mom finally goes down on her for her grades...Just perfect timing isn't it? You know, most of this whole relationship I've felt like God HAS TO have been making it happen cuz the timing was all just waaayyy too perfect for it to be anything else. But now it feels quite opposite. Maybe I'm being punished for something. Maybe it's a fun lil test. I have no idea, all I know is that it sucks more than anything else I've ever experienced. Yes, worse than not eating for three days after I got my stupid tongue thingy cut off and hardly eating for another week after that. YEAH, WORSE than the crazy crazy fever I had one time when I had trouble staying conscious......Yeah, worse than the three straight days of barfing because of food poisoning from Imitation crab meat. Worse than My concussion and every single one of the migraines I've ever suffered. Worse than ANYTHING I have ever experienced. You know what I'm hoping? I'm really really hoping this is a test of my faith by God. I hope it's like Job where He's trying to take the very things I live for away from me to see if I fall away from him or not. You know why? Cuz I'm gonna soOoOOoO act faithfully. I'm fricken praying like crazy....i'm trying to get closer to God than ever before. GOD, PLEASE LET THIS BE WHAT IT IS!!!! And if it is......let this horriffic test be over as soon as possible. Please, I'm begging, PLEASE somehow transform me into a better person through this. Please make everything better than it was before. Please let this bring Christina and me closer than we ever have before. PLEASE!
- posted by Joebo @ 10:53:47 PM