My day at school was perty boring. haha, coolest part was after school when I whipped out my guitar n amp to go over the stupid song we're dion for our bio presentation tomorrow.....and Troy (different Troy than I usually talk aboot) was all impressed. He asked how long i've been playin....and I said a few months....and He wouldn't believe me. Neither would Jason, but I kept sayin yeah, it's only been a few months. "Since a lil before Christmas". It was juss funny.

CAN NOT wait for the weekend. Friggen can't see Christina during the week till I get a D and a C up to a B. I'm hopin we have our friggen typing test soon so I can get my grade up. Makin me seriously mad now. It's sad. I've missed out on One day of maybe bein able to see her and I'm already gettin tired of it. Plus....I don't like bad grades. Took my Final after school today fr Bible (the C i need to raise) and I felt pretty good aboot it. That should raise it a bunch. We did Geisler reading today and we're gonna turn in Journals next week so I'm thinking........Both grades might be up to Bs in 2 or 3 weeks.

SOOOO determined to raise those.

Another 10th is rollin around kinda soon. It'll have been 9 months soonish....so awesome...

I am sooooo Happy.

Juss got back from Christina's hause. Had the best day today. Went to her house, went to the mall for a lil while, and came back to her house again. It was quite nice. What I find interesting is that we can juss be sitting there, watching tv, or even JUST sitting there, and I have a great time. We hardly even need to talk or anything. Just seeing a smile on her beautiful face makes me happy. You gotta know I was real happy today, cuz she was doin a whole lot of smiling. Haha, sleeping too.

I got in trouble for my grades yesterday cuz my mom saw my report card and i have a few Cs and a D. now...two of the three Cs count as Bs in my GPA n crap because they are honors classes. Cuza my grades, my mom is makin it so I can't see christina during the week anymore till I get all of them up. That might take a while...Gonna have to ask Fernandez for some help. Sucks dude. Sucks real bad. It's gonna make me unhappy too, cuz Christina is just about the only thing that keeps me happy......and I already don't see her enough as it is. I am soooooooo gonna try to get my dad to bring me to San Jose every weekend I'm at his house, cuz otherwise I'll see christina every other week. And that's juss CRAP. Went through that a while ago........and yeah, it sucked.

Man, I knew progress reports were coming too. Why did I have to forget to find it before my mom did?

Yesterday was friggen awesome. After school I got home, took a shower, shaved.....n walked to S.T. to walk Christina home. So....walked her home, stayed at her house n thumb wrestled n stuff till about 7, then I went to Lauren's house for a party tingy for Brenna. Even tho it was just Lauren, Brenna, Hannah, and I, and Hannah left early cuz she was feeling sick, It was still fun. Lots of screaming at the top of our lungs outside, lots of poking the cats with sticks....It was fun.

I'm supposed to Robert's house today to finish up a stupid project.....and he was supposed to call last night to tell me how to get there n crap, but he didn't. Maybe he lost the #, I dunno. I think I'm juss gonna kinda relax for a while, then take a shower n do homework n crap. Then if Robert still hasn't called after all that crap, I think I'll call Christina up and see what she's doing.

I hope today will somehow turn out nice.

Personal Quote: "Hate is conditional, anger is temporary. Love is eternal."

Ok I'ma put up some Slick Shoes Lyrics. I'm perty sure I've put this song up before, but I'ma put it up anyway, cuz I listened to it today....and every friggen time I hear it, I reeeaaallly relate to the lyrics. It's like I friggen wrote it.

Slick Shoes Lyrics : Rusty

Let's see here... I AM getting more sleep. I don't think i'm gonna be able to do my homework betta than I have been. Maybe next year, eh? I've been happy enough, I think i'ma make lists of crap I wanna get done, so when I'm juss sittin around wasting away my days.....I actually do something useful. Doin stuffs wit friends on friday. I wanna try to do stuffs wit em like every other week or so.

Last week (monday through friday) seemed reeeeeeeeeallllly long. Then Saturday seemed to go by wayyyy too fast. And today juss was kinda normal. Another waste of a day. I can think of ONE thing I accomplished today. Finding a phone in this house to put in my room that's loud enough for me to actually hear people with.

I love Christina soooo friggen much it's crazy. I never thought I could be this close to anyone. I used to be worried I would never find the right girl...but I already have...it was almost too easy. I wouldn't be suicidal if we broke up or anything, but I'd rather die than be without her. Stupid Romeo and Juliet in my head...it's like that one scene, i tink it is the balcony scene. Romeo says crap like "I'd rather die than be rejected by you" or some crap. URGH stupid idiotic play. The whole friggen thing happens in like 2 or 3 days. They are married the day after they meet. SO retarded. Anyways...back to what I was talkin about. Christina couldn't be more perfect for me. I love everything about her...in so many ways, she's like an angel. Examples: She exposes my imperfections, I met her n stuff has happened in PERFECT timing, seems to be a messenger sent from God to help me go down the right path.....I think I'ma gonna write a poem or a list or somethin. Well, it be time for me to go get ready to sleep n such.

My life is gonna be so awesome...

Peace

I've been told to write more...so I'm gonna try to force some crap out...

Got a headache. I've been gettin em for a whiiiile now, and all the time. Not like once or twice a week or anything. I can't remember the last day I didn't have a headache. It's been a few months prolly. I think it's sleep deprivation. I've been tryin to get some more sleep lately, but it isn't workin out to swell. I'm usually on the phone or talkin online and I don't realize how late it is. Sometimes i'm juss sittin there playin guitar or some crap, and I juss lose track of time. Friggen Headeaches suck dude. They make me all irritable...And when i'm irritable, I can't show emotion, I'm not usually happy, I'm prolly a jerk more often, and crap like that.

I think there might be more to my unhappiness n irritability tho...I haven't been doing much of things I enjoy lately. For the most part, my days go like so--Wake up, get ready, go to school, come back from school, dick around n talk on the phone n online, go to sleep--That isn't so great of a day. I don't really do stuff i like to do...I don't really socialize, don't hang out with friends, don't shoot crap (cuz the guns are a tad mussed up), Don't play video games, Hardly listen to music, I kinda stopped bein all that interested in updating my site n stuff, buncha crap I'd like to do.

I do enjoy certain parts of my life tho...Bein wit Christina (Oh so Awesome), talkin on da phone or online with Christina (very nice), I play the guitar a lil, The golf team is actually fun (Cuz I goof off n crap wit whoever is around), I like the very few times I hang out with friends, that's about it tho. I get home at like 3:00 every day and juss waste away all the time. I never really do anything. It's usually juss procrastinating and NOT doing things, like homework and chores n crap. Maybe this is why i'm not all that happy. MAN it's hard to say that. Cuz, it's mostly true...but it's really wrong too. Like....ok....Juss about my whole life sucks, cept everything with my Insanely Awesome Girlfriend. Christina makes me soooooo happy. Everything havin ta do with her is GREAT. So, my life is kinda both seriously screwed up and SOoOoOOo great right now. If it wasn't for Christina, I would be so depressed right now. This sucks. Even when I am real happy, I still have my crappy life in the back of my mind bringing me down. I am juss about always nervous. I know I'm forgetting to do stuff. I know I have projects and homework to do. I know I'm gonna end up wasting my days and doing the same thing i've been doin. SCHOOL, DICK AROUND, SLEEP. friggen sucks.

It's about 8:00 right now, and I started this thing at 6:45. I haven't really done anything since then, or even....since I got home. Haha, I shaved. I talked on the phone......

Isn't it great how I came into this with nothing on my mind, nothing to write about.

What I'm gonna do about my unhappinessness

• RRREALLY try to go to sleep earlier
• Try to do my homework in a short, timely manner when I get home every day
• When I'm done with my homework, Do stuff I like to do
• Try to do crap with friends on the weekend

I am soooo happy...My life is gonna be soooo great. Man, so friggen happy. It's juss gonna get better and better. SOOOO friggen happy. I've been like this since yesterday. Perty early yesterday too...let's see, when did that movie start again?

DUDE, so awesome...I FINALLY found the Revenge City (formerly The Centerfolds) CD. I was gonna buy the Dogwood CD n everything....but screw that, buyin the Revenge City CD online when I get home tonight. o man...sooo sweet.

Ok now...It's aboot 5:30 right now. I've been stalling since I got home. Got me some homework to do...I'll do it, dont' worry. Went to the bookstore after school...had a ice cream cone (at the bookstore)...got home...Learned 2 songs on guitar...now i'm prolly gonna go upstairs, eat some kinda snack, listen to some punk, and do some Math. Then I have a few bible journals to do. I'm almost definately gonna make a tab or two and put em up on my site. I might write another post later tonight toos.

Buh-bye.

Day: Ok. School day was pretty boring and crap. I kept callin people pervs cuz they are. Can't believe Anna...she better not do that again. I don't understand why ppl have to be such perverted losers...Sherilyn was looking through this sports book, and the first thing she said was "Woah that guy has nice abs." Anna quickly turned around n looked. Then about a second later sherilyn was staring at football players backiside. Girls are always talkin bout "hot guys." N crap. Like every time a guy walks by...."ooh, look at that guy, he's hot." Like their minds are on nothing else. I'm not sayin all girls do this, juss the girls that I for some reason hang out with during break and lunch.

OH, some girl today asked why guys like boobs. Since she wouldn't listen to my answer for some reason...and I juss thought of it outta nowhere, i'm gonna answer with what i've heard. I Heard this from something on discovery channel, so ya...Men are subconciously physically attracted to certain Women over others, cuz their bodies are better fit for raising a child. That's why there's the whole "perfect body" measurements....The perfect looking shape is perfect for child-birth and crap like that. ONCE AGAIN, got this from some show. Now to the point. Guys like "bigger" boobs, and boobs period, SUBCONSCIOUSLY, cuz they are better fitting for breast-feeding. I dunno about this whole thing, cuz some ppls like tiny boobs, some guys like gigantic boobs, some like middleness...same with body shape, different guys have different appeals. So ya, I think maybe guys are attracted to boobs cuz their minds make em, so that their woman can nurse babies. maybe we're juss soooo horny that we think every part of girls can be hot. I think that one's pretty likely, cuz i've been turned on by a girls neck before....lol. She better know who she is...

Dude...if one more girl touches my ass, I'm gonna file for harrassment. Ok no I won't, but I should. I don't even know what I'm gonna do...sooooo pissin me off.

O yes...another great meal made by...me. Haha, haha...hahaha... I'm prolly gonna cook more than my wife. ha...You'd think it was funny if you knew what was goin on in my head. Let's see...what did I make again? Some horshradish potatoes, a nice hearty salad, and fried Petroli-sole. Mmm, mmm, tasty. The gorgonzola in the salad tasted real good with the potatoes. This spawned my stupid idea of...*GASP*...Melted gouda in mashed potatoes. O that reminds me...I still need to try tartar sauce on pancakes. Someone said it was good, so...

Today was both crappy and awesome...overall OK. Very boring most of the day, but a few parts were kinda cool. NOT doing P.E. was cool. Sadly, hittin balls at the driving range wit da golf team was kinda fun, Cuz we were all screwin around n crap. Prolly the coolest part of ma day was gettin in ma Dad's truck...Turnin the key, rollin the windows down, puttin in a Pensive CD, BLASTIN IT, and drivin away...so sweet. It's soooo awesome how I can drive and like no freshman can...hardly any sophmores do. Troy gets all mad any time I mention driving cuz he's all jealous n such...he usually says "Shutup" or "I HATE YOU!" Funny stuff.

Stupid Robert is taking a year and a half to do crap. He's supposed to gimme his game that he made. I think It's called Ubers Pac 9000. Something like that. Oh and he...I dunno why...has to make his website all pretty before he will let me see it.

During Bio today, we had to look at roots and stems under da microscope...and me n Jason had a Nazi root. I kept trying to deny it...but the vascular tissue was clearly arranged in the shape of a swastika. Crazyness.

And...done.

Today was weird.

I noticed that I haven't had enough sleep in prolly about a year now. I don't think you know how much this sucks. I think this is why I don't feel like myself sometimes. Cuz when I'm actually awake....i'm all energetic and crap.....and I have fun. I need soooooooo much sleep. I'm such a downer when I'm tired...and I'm always tired...so yeah...

I juss remembered how awesome the Taking Back Sunday CD is again.....haven't listened to it in a while.

I wish I could take like a one week break off of my life. No school, no friends, no parents, no stress, no worries.........Just me, a bed, a toilet, some food, and maybe a few books. Then I'd prolly feel muuuuuuuuuuch better. O ****, I have a book report due monday for a book that I haven't even started yet. Ha...knew I was gonna be doin homework all day tomorrow. Dude...I am sooooo gonna get more sleep now cuza crap that happened today...I knew it was a problem, but now I know exactly how bad.

1 Hour and 41 minutes. An hour and fourty-one minutes that I wouldn't have any other way. I didn't do any of the math assignments that I should have cuz they're due tomorrow, didn't play guitar or listen to music or play a video game or anything to entertain myself (didn't need to)...just talked. Almost two hours of talking about everything and nothing. Stuff that's real unimportant; stuff that I live for. Big misunderstandings that all but kill; Little intimate thoughts that make ya feel like you're the luckiest person on the planet. My day'll feel like a total waste...but we start talking and everything has new life. The stupid lil conversations and geeky thoughts and feelings i've had seem to mean the world to her, though they are meaningless otherwise. My idiotic phrases, dumb questions, stupid accents, unimportant events in my life...all seem to entertain her. I hear the laughs, I can feel the smiles on her face. Every word she says to me I try my best to absorb. Sometimes I don't hear what she says...I ask "what?" her reply, either silence or, "nevermind." I don't think she realizes how much it kills me. I really wanna know. I'm sooooo interested. I just couldn't hear...why must I be punished so? I wish she would tell me more about what's goin on with her. Her feelings, her views, her day, her interests. I like to hear her voice, It's soothing...

I hate talking about myself. I do it too much. It's usually either me feelin like I talk to much, or I back off and it's way too quiet. I try to wait for her to talk about something, but she tells me she's the only one talking. Other days it's different though. Other days she really is the only one talking. I just can't think of anything that she might actually care about, and I'm juss picking and choosing like this because the day before I talked too much. Some days our multiple-hour chats aren't so great. We hurt eachother...we fight. It happens. There are times that juss suck sooooo bad....But, they're rare.

But those times are soooo overshadowed by the good times. I would go through soooooooooo much worse fighting and much more hurt and pain than I do, and still be happy with our relationship.

Things aren't always good. Don't let someone lead you to believe that all you feel with love is good stuff. That's prolly never true. Most love seems to be wayyyyy more trouble than its worth. With love comes times of unbearable pain.

It seems like this'd be easier if we weren't so close. Like....sometimes I just feel soooo crappy cuz I can't make her feel like a queen...I want her to be the happiest girl on earth, and when I can't deliver that for her, I feel worthless. I want to be soooo much better than I am for her. She deserves much more than I have to offer.

MAN. All these thoughts n feelings n crap sprouting out of a lil phone call. The first paragraph is the only one I came here to write. OH...If you have no idea who I'm talking about throughout this whole thing...that's a sad, sad thing.